You vs Me. I vs You.
I can hear many of you now. “It has taken 35 Hertz sponsored Marketing Minutes but Marchev has finally lost his mind.”
Not so fast! I still have plenty of “mind” left. Today’s headline says exactly what I want it to say. Follow along.
I recently received a letter/memo from a person who asked me to give her prose the old “once over.” Now if I have learned anything since leaving The University of Massachusetts it is that editing the written word is more important than you might think at first.
When the writer is not a professional writer, there is a dyed-in-the-wool tendency to wax eloquent about oneself at the expense of making a living selling something.
The truth of the matter was, is and always will be that people are more concerned about themselves than they are about you. If you want to lose their attention in a New York Minute, point the conversation toward yourself (I, me, we, us). If you want to keep their attention, talk about them (you, you, you).
Such was the case in my example and I am hoping you can go-to-school on my findings.
The memo consisted of only 10 lines of print yet had the word “we” no fewer than 11 times. As a matter of fact, each of the four paragraphs began with the word “we.” Don’t laugh. This practice is more prevalent than you might want to believe.
My suggestion (no, make that my strong recommendation) was to flip each sentence around using the word “you” to replace the word “we.”
This may call for a second cup of coffee and a little bit of word-smithing but it will be worth it to you in the end.
Okay. You forced my hand. I’ll show you the before and after memo if you have the time to see exactly what I am talking about. After all, a picture is worth a thousand words.
Click Here To See My Sample and then, go manage to write a more client-focused email – letter – memo – report – proposal.
*** You will see the difference. (This was the first edit. Additional improvements can certainly be made).
Mike Marchev, Over & Out.